Understanding Indian Families

 I've spent the past month and a half living with a host family in a suburb of Delhi called Noida. The couple that I live with have a son living in the US as do many other Indian families here. It seems that most in this area have at least one child living abroad. My host family have always lived in a joint-family unit. The husband's parents lived with them for twenty years until they both passed away in 1994. Shortly thereafter the wife's mother moved in with them. We call her Nanima. She is now 87 years old and is constantly trying to get me to eat more food. I'm discovering that much of Indian life revolves around their family and close friends.
My family falls withing the healthy middle class society as do most of their friends and associates. They live well and comfortably with all of their needs taken care of. They also have a number of servants that help make life more comfortable. My host dad says that if you have a little money then you can live like King's in India. They talk to their son and his wife daily. They always tell me what a good boy their son is. He has done everything that his parents wish. They disciplined him well and he is very obedient. He went abroad to get educated and now has his PhD. He also married the girl of their choice.
Through a number of interviews I conducted with a variety of people, I've been gettings similar messages about Indian families. Having at least one child is necessary because it completes the family unit and draws the marriage closer together. The bond is strengthened through children. One woman explained to me that this is the Asian culture, family is extremely important. I've also heard many parents talk about how important education is. When their children excell then they are proud. The children generally live with their parents until marriage. This way the parents are able to keep control and monitor their children's lives. Many of my younger Indian friends tell me that they wish sometimes they could have the independence of living on their own. My host mom has even commented to me that her mother still tries to control her and tell her what to do. Now I'm understanding what its like to live under that control. Its definitely an adjustment after having lived independantly for so long.
I've been exploring this idea of overpopulation here. Every single person I've asked has told me they feel that India is definitely overpopulated. One man said, "India would be a much different place if we did not have so many people." The facts are that the more educated people are having smaller families, maybe one to two children at most. There have also been movements to invoke the chinese law of only allowing one child per couple, though who knows if that will ever take. So there are beliefs and measures being taken to cretail childbirth. Yet there still exists a stigma that is attached to those who have no children. Those that are infertile. It is at this juncture that my research is focusing. Infertility here in Delhi is fascinating. There seems to be more stigma in rural villages. However, I am discovering that in this city, there is real fear of stigma. Though it may not in reality exist, the fear is strong. For the most part women keep their infertility treatments secret for fear of judgment of others.